The Wind of Change

The wind of change is blowing, with such a fierceness. My environment has changed so much in the past few months, and soon it will change again. I'll be starting a new position as a English teacher for the little ones here in Korea, and I'm so excited! But August is in my way...Actually, July is still kinda in my way too, but I try not to think about that. One thing that I've learned here is that I'm not as open to change as I once thought I was. Change in co-workers, or even living arrangements take some time getting use to. And in 6 months, it'll all change again! Yikes! In six months I'll be making that oh so scary change of coming back to America. As happy as I know I'll be to see my friends and family (and to eat at Chipotle), I'm terrified of living as an American IN America. I've gotten used to being an American in Korea, but when I think about going back home, I'm a little apprehensive about the change. My life here is comfortable and convenient, not necessarily easy but....it's livable. Can life in the US be livable?? I know nothing about anything really. What are gas prices like, how much is produce nowadays, how will I live without the subway?? Unfortunately, I'm prone to think about things waayyy before those things are even going to happen. Nevertheless, the wind of change is blowing.

It's blown through my love life with the emergence of a wonderful man. And it's blown through my spiritual life with a clearer and better understanding of what God expects of me, His child. When the wind blows, doesn't it leave marks of its presence in the things that it's touched? I've seen the change in my environment, and in my heart, but what about my walk with Christ. Have I allowed the wind to leave a true and lasting mark in my soul? Has what I've learned shown itself in a marked change in my behavior, thoughts, and words? Sometimes I'm ashamed that my answer is no. The question that this wind of change has brought about in me is how many times will it have to blow in order for me to let it forever leave its mark?

Hello Sea of Forgetfulness

My first blog of 2011!!! So sad, since it's almost the end of February. 2010 ended with a BANG! and the BANG has continued throughout 2011. God has been guiding and changing me. That's the BANG! My cup has been overflowing, and I know that I haven't even been able to acknowledge all the blessings that God has given me.

What has been amazing has been the small things. Let me explain. Even after a week of reading about the effect that our thoughts have on our lives; I let the devil use my thoughts to get me down. I started thinking about my past and how it seems that it'll still burn into my future. I felt myself getting seriously down about choices and decisions that I've made so long ago. Praise God for the Holy Spirit; I was encouraged to get out my Bible and Sabbath School Lesson. Now, in the morning I thought I had read the lesson designated for the day, but as I opened the lesson I saw that I had read a prior lesson (clearly I'm behind on this week's lesson). As I read the next lesson, I was so overwhelmed by God's gift to me that I couldn't stop the tears. As I'm sitting there fretting about my past and worrying about its effect on my future I read these words: "We can't undo the past; what we can do, by God's grace, is seek to learn from our past mistakes and, to whatever degree possible, make restitution for whatever wrong we have done. After all, all we can do is surrender to God and seek His mercy, grace, and healing." I tell you GOD CARES!! About something as simple as me feeling down, He cares. And He didn't bother to really give me a chance to wallow in my sorrows: instead He reached out and set my eyes on the blessing that was in my lesson. An amazing God.

It's not like I had truly forgotten that I couldn't undo the past, but I needed that simple reminder that what's done is done. After reading this I was also reminded that when God forgives us, He tosses our sins in the sea of forgetfulness. So I'm here on earth worrying about sins and bad decisions that God has already forgotten. Out of all the complex and complicated things that our brains can do, why can't it remember that God forgives and forgets?? Why do we allow the devil to degrade us by showing us our past mistakes?? Why can't we hold fast to God's promises of forgiveness and restoration?? It's my prayer that you and I won't continue to let our past mistakes dictate our present feelings. We must instead remember the sea of forgetfulness.

Camping

Ok, there's another thing that's been on my mind....camping. Yes, camping...weird and random, I know. I've been having this urge to go out to some forest, pitch a tent, start a fire, and breathe. I don't know why. Maybe because there's nothing like the thoughts that a fire can inspire. Or nothing like the taste of burnt marshmellows. Or nothing like the feeling of being in nature (even if you feel itchy at first). It's funny because my all time happy place is the beach, but now I want a tent.

Birthday Babble

It's my birthday, so I thought I'd vist my dusty blog :) Another year of lfe has come and gone. Blah blah blah, I'm not going to quote all the cliche things people say on their birthdays. I'm just glad that I've had the blessing of another year (that's not a cliche because it's true...God is da BOMB!)

It's been a minute since I've blogged, but I feel all nostalgic and wise today....(can a person even feel wise at the fresh age of 24???)
You know, each year comes with the same types of situations and battles that were fought in the previous year. However, it's the way that we choose to fight those battles that determine the different outcomes. I'm determined to fight my battles with Jesus as my Commander and His Word as my sword. That makes all the years (that I pray are ahead of me) seem less scary.

Because honestly when I was in highschool I thought that by 24 I'd be in this awesome and stable relationship with a really cool guy. Instead I'm in this awesome and somewhat stable job with these really cool people. I could look at this as a setback or some kinda of personal failure, and I use to see it that way. Now however, I think it's finally taken root in my hard head that God's ways aren't my ways and His thoughts aren't my thoughts. What I may see as a barren love life, God sees as a field of oppurtunities that will bare a character that make my future brighter.

We make plans and timelines for our lives and then we are discouraged and crushed when we realize that things aren't going to go the way we imagined. LOL God's imagination is more intricate than ours. He can fathom things that our teeny weeny brains can't even put together until it happens. That's awesome, and that's what gives me hope. The things that I dream about and what to see fulfilled in my life God can do times ten!

Change

Why do we love ourselves so much?? Even when we know that we're flawed, we'll pick our flawed self over the better person that we could be? Recently I've been faced with the fact that there are some parts of me that need to change. Did I embrace this change??? NO!!! LOL I fought it with all I had! I made excuses, I ignored what God was trying to show me. SMH. All of the energy that I put into trying to stay in my comfort zone could have been used to step out and make those changes. Change is one of those things (like responsibility) that you can't run away from. It caught up to me...and fast! And know seeing the bits and pieces of "comfort" that I've given u, I have to laugh because with change came new comforts, and joy in knowing that I'm doing something to be a better person. Think about it when talking about money, we use the word change to describe what is left over. We all have "left over" possibilities and improvements. Instead of putting our change into a piggy bank for later, we should put it directly into our bank accounts so that it can be useful to us right now, not later. So, if you're facing change take the challenge, it won't be easy, but it will worth it.

When Love Isn't Enough.....

HA! What a corny title....but it caught your eye didn't it??? We humans love talking about love and relationships. Probably because at the center of life its self lies love and relationships. Whether for the good or for the bad, every one of our lives are trapped in the sticky tentacles of love and relationships. Maybe you were born because your mother wanted someone to love her unconditionally, or because your father wanted to feel that he had accomplished something in life. Or more recently, you may have discovered that you've allowed yourself to be trampled on and your self esteem to be shot down because you "really love" that special person in your life. You may even walk around was a satisfied smile, and a jumpy heart because you've found the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with. You could even be reading this and thinking of that friend who has always been there for you and who seems to know you inside and out.

It doesn't matter what your martial status is or how many friends you have or have lost. The number of people who've disappointed, neglected, or laughed at you isn't important either. What's important is that love will always be enough. There isn't a heart break, financial miscalculation, depression, or confusion that love can't fix. I'm not talking about the love that we all long for from another human being. I'm talking about the love that is given freely and undeservingly to us by God. Stop and think about the last time you were sad and the last time you were happy. It was love that got you through both of those times. God loves us enough to allow us to experience sadness so that we can appreciate the happy times that much more and so that we can take those sad experiences and use them to show love, help, and comfort to someone else. He gives us happiness to encourage us when those sad times come around again. I'm not here to tackle the question of why bad things happen to good people because bad things happen no matter how good or bad you are. That's a no-brainer. The real question is what will you let love solve today? There are so many problems that each one of us have: insecurities, phobias, deficiencies, and selfishness. I'm a firm believer that love, true love, God's love can solve them all. Like any medicine or 12 step program, we must be patient and wait for the results. God's love can work instantaneously, but it doesn't always because sometimes our aliments have progressed to a fatal and almost life threatening stage. The good news is that His love will be enough. You won't need to take anything else. So the next time your human love or realtionship seems to be infecting your life with its negativity, please pop a LOVE pill. (Yeah, and I realize that I switched to a medical prespective, I don't know why.)

Holiday Blues

It's Christmas, and I've realized how little the holiday means without the presence of family. Living in another country you always deal with missing out on the little things that you use to be in the loop on. So far, I haven't felt too much out of the loop. Until today, I actually felt the distance that's between me and my family. They were enjoying Christmas Eve playing Phase 10...while I was just waking up Christmas morning.....and that's when it hit me.....I'm really THOUSANDS of miles away. Not only that I'm missing out on some GREAT food. I actually really like Korean food, but when it comes to the holidays; bi bip bap, kim bap, and ja jang myung don't really hit the spot the way they do on regular days.

However, I know that I'm still blessed bc even though I'm away from my family some of us have been able to establish our own little niche here and that is comforting. So, the moral of this sad little note is that we most def have got to appreciate what we have when we have it. It's too bad that human nature and our inability to see the future become obstacles to us being able to enjoy our present and the things that seem so attainable. Remember, one day all those things will not be as easy to have as it may be now.